"If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV."

"You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done."

"I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn."

"I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

"If money is the root of all evil, then why do we have to have jobs?"

"If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair."

"I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them."

"The world must be made safe for democracy. Its peace must be planted upon the tested foundations of political liberty."

"Let us worship the spirit in spirit, standing on spirit. Let the foundation be spirit, the middle spirit, the culmination spirit."

"The adventitious beauty of poetry may be felt in the greater delight with a verse given in a happy quotation than in the poem."

"Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses or avoids"

"The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it's there."